Fruit salad is my idea of dessert, except when I want ice cream or brownies or both. Fresh ripe strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, cantaloupe, watermelon, kiwi, and frozen pineapple taste like food from the gods if there is such a thing. I think of something opposite and imagine dandelion or celery greens.

Sweet or bitter—bitter or sweet—I have to decide which I will become.

Betrayal is an ugly thing—a bitter thing. It's excruciatingly painful to process when disloyalty comes from one you trusted most—if the one who stabs you in the back seems sweet, gentle, and wise.

When I learned of my husband's infidelities, anger flared, and bitterness tried its best to ground me. I had almost no sympathy for him. His betrayal wiped out all the trust I had in him.

I saw it all in black and white. I struggled to interpret what had happened to our girls and me and their families. I saw him as unjust and evil. When I read of the wayward man in Proverbs, I saw his face. I heard his name.

All the dark thoughts in my head blocked my view of the future and kept me in a holding pattern. God calls us to forgive, but for quite a long while, forgiving him was an ascent too steep. After some time passed, and I received trauma counseling, my perspective shifted. A day came, and I forgave him. Because I trusted God, I forgave him.

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That morning sitting in a rocking chair on the back porch of a large southern historical home in Edenton, North Carolina, I stared into the sparkling water. I saw it clearly— I can trust God and forgive. Forgiveness is a choice. I knew I didn't want to live under the storm clouds of unforgiveness. I didn't want my unforgiveness to ruin my relationships with my children and their families. I want my legacy to be love--not hate. I did want to fly free into the future God has for me.

Later, I had a layover--a time revisiting some of what felt so wrong, and after "staying" a while to deal with anger and grief, I chose to fly free again. I wished him a happy birthday and meant it.

Recently, I chose to forgive the woman he cheated with in those days before our separation. I stopped feeding the storm, and the skies cleared.

As Jesus hung on the cross, he prayed, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do…"

On some level, I believe my ex-husband knew what he was doing. His favorite book on marriage was The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. I asked him once why that book was his favorite, and he said it elevated marriage to what God intended it to be. He is miserable, and I am sure of it.

There's no faking forgiveness when it comes to infidelity. I was going to be bitter, or I could choose to be sweet—-to let go of what was unjust. I realized holding onto any unforgiveness gave me no real power. It felt like it did. I remember thinking there is no way I could ever forgive him for what was so unforgivable. I finally realized it didn't make things worse for him if I didn't forgive him. I had no real communication or contact with him. I was the one weighted down by my hatred. It was hurting me and keeping me from taking off.

Forgiveness isn't just about doing what is best for us, though. It's a God-thing. In his kingdom, when we forgive our enemies, and my husband acted as an enemy to me, it is a powerful tool in God's hands. Scripture says we pour coals on the head of our enemy when we show him kindness. God can use it to advance his purposes. He uses our forgiveness, especially if we forgive those who are not repentant and don't ask for it, to soften hearts and bring people to himself.

Now, when I think of my ex-husband, I don't see him in black and white. He is a flawed human being—a person who desired to be the man he pretended to be. For whatever reason, he just couldn't do it. His actions were immoral and unjust. Adultery is wrong—-- like stealing your neighbor's car is wrong. I don't think of him as evil. I feel pity for him and her. Betrayal is no runway for launching any relationship--it's just not. They probably already found that out.

Because I trust in a perfect and merciful Heavenly Father, I choose to forgive. Any consequences my ex-husband faces will be between him and God. I don't have to carry that luggage. It's not onboard anymore. I don't have to be concerned about dealing with the injustice dealt to my family and me. As I stay in my lane and let God deal with those injustices, I can take off. I don't have to grip the steering wheel tightly. I can relax. I can breathe. My most merciful and kind Heavenly Father may choose to show mercy to my ex-husband. I pray he does. It is not my burden. I can confidently fly free and uninhibited into the future God has for me.